Mostly about how I can't remember the details anymore.
I can still hear her laugh and her voice and see her in my head...
...but I can't recall every little thing about her at a moment's notice.
I guess this is what happens when someone dies.
The memory of them starts to fade.
I hate that.
But I suppose it has to be this way or we'd never get over our grief.
What I do remember about John is that she loved the word lugubrious.
She loved how the word sounded dirty.
Even though the meaning is not.2
Whenever I see the word lugubrious, I think of her.
But not because she was a lugubrious person.
She was light
I loved her.
We all did.
She also thought The Silence of the Lambs was a very romantic movie.
She reenacted the fava beans scene
many times during the course of our college years.
And best of all, she was brave.
Our sophomore year,
John found out P.J. Hogan was re-making Peter Pan and she wanted to be Tinkerbell.
So she wrote a letter to the casting office.
An assistant (I forget her name) wrote John back.
We couldn't believe she actually wrote back. And it wasn't some form letter either.
It must've been one awesome letter that John wrote.
I wanted to be brave like John.
Recently, I've been seeing the word lugubrious everywhere.
Little reminders of John that pop up when I least expect it.
I suppose that's why she's been on my mind so much these days.
In honor of John, let's talk about the word lugubrious.
Do you know what it means?
|Not so lugubrious.|
|[Lugubrious as an adverb] The dark stairs that lead down to a lugubriously dank and questionable room ([Lugubrious as a noun] I don't know why there's a statue of a fawn on the side. It adds to the lugubriosity of the whole thing, doesn't it?).|
|[Lugubrious as an adverb] Another picture to show how lugubriously depressing this space is.|
|[Lugubrious as an adjective] The light at the end of a lugubrious hall.|
|[Lugubrious as an adverb] That is one dirty wall. And room. And bathroom. So disgusting I didn't want to walk in it. I'm a germaphobe. And slightly claustrophobic. I just stood and stared lugubriously. Then I took a picture.|
|[Lugubrious as an adjective] Coming out of the lugubrious and oppressive basement. That fawn still creeps me out.|
Tired of the word lugubrious yet?
1John's real name is not John.return
2According to Merriam-Webster.com:return
\lu̇-ˈgü-brē-əs also -ˈgyü-\
1: MOURNFUL; especially : exaggeratedly or affectedly mournful
(dark, dramatic and lugubrious brooding — V. S. Pritchett)
2: DISMAL (a lugubrious landscape)